Even though I have arrived in New Orleans and I have completed my journey (the anti-camino) in Spain, I had hoped I would feel… well I guess relieved. Instead I feel sadness, sadness in returning to the place of my birth, my home yet feeling disconnected…. Sadness for what has changed and what has not. I walk about my apartment and I look closely at my things – yes those are my books, and yes my clothes, shoes, computer… But I feel – really feel – I don’t live here anymore.
After wanting nothing more than to get home for days (homesickness) I realized very, very early this morning – I really don’t have a home. I love this place – it’s warm, safe but somehow not mine. (Now not sure it ever was). So after wondering around Spain for 34 days I must continue my wondering. (Like Cain in the TV Kung Fu- am I destined to wonder the earth?) How in the hell did this happen? All I have ever wanted was a home (a safe place to lay, to be small).
This is very upsetting. Very upsetting indeed (yes that is a mild understatement). So I sit here in the early am (late am in Spain) and weep. Why? Because I really, really thought I would have some comfort here, just some… any.. So I clean my desk. Tidy desk = tidy emotions Right? I feel back to the lessons of the camino – patience- acceptance- courage- faith. I need them now in many ways more than when I was out there. Because out there I thought I had here and here I know I have what’s real and most importantly what’s not. I know I am always home with myself but where is my(self) home? Where can I lay my weary head to rest? Just for a little while… to sleep perchance to dream… ahh to dream…
Bonnie was inducted into the Order of the Sword & Shield National Honor Society at St. John’s University, New York City for her work in Business Resilience.
Bonnie is Past Chair of the Association of Contingency Planners where she served for 6 years.
She is a proud native of New Orleans and has experienced what she calls, “The Katrina, Rita, Ike, Gustav, and BP Oil Spill” disasters first hand. She has had to learn how being resilience leaders and businesses to increased performance, achieve stronger relationships, and build mental toughness that we all need in today’s ever increasing busy world.
Latest posts by Bonnie Canal (see all)
- WE CARE! Team: Answer these 5 Questions to Build Better Relationships - February 14, 2019
- WE CARE! Team: Building a Better Tomorrow by Taking Actions Today. - February 13, 2019
- Sunday Morning Affairs - February 13, 2019