My room was shaking wildly, the bed was throwing me violently around then all of a sudden nothing. No-thing. Was I awake, asleep, dead? Was this real? My arrival home although physically uneventful has been a challenge. My fears about time moving on and my not fitting back in here in my home were proven to be true. The room was silent and dark and I was in a very cold sweat heart pumping right though my chest.
What had just happened? A slow realization came to me, I had just hit the bottom. The bottom we all fear, the bottom we all dread, the bottom that we all run from with every ounce of our being from ever seeing. The last bit of me left shook and shuttered until there was nothing left. While floating in that space in between… (The space between notes in a song, the space in between the in breath and out breath. The space that makes both ends so magnificent. I saw and felt the emptiness. And I knew that I had traveled to the point of creation within me. The place I had come from, the full expanse of the universe itself. In that moment I knew I was free. Free from the ties that bound me (past and future) Free from the reasons why and why not… free… From this point I knew although all things were done the future, my future was a pristine clean blank slate. While the vastness of this opportunity was exciting it was also quite overwhelming.
What I knew was that I had witnessed was the death of my ego. Who I thought I was, was dead. Who I believed I had become was shaken clear. My ego in every way the best and worst in me was in a heap on the floor right beside me. I stood up brushed myself off all the while the tears flowing freely from my heart. This dark allowed me a very safe place to simply fall apart. Now what, where, who? If not here where? If not me then who? Without the ego then what? I opened my eyes to a whole new world – a whole new me. Full of potential and freedom. The next thought – OH SHIT!
Bonnie was inducted into the Order of the Sword & Shield National Honor Society at St. John’s University, New York City for her work in Business Resilience.
Bonnie is Past Chair of the Association of Contingency Planners where she served for 6 years.
She is a proud native of New Orleans and has experienced what she calls, “The Katrina, Rita, Ike, Gustav, and BP Oil Spill” disasters first hand. She has had to learn how being resilience leaders and businesses to increased performance, achieve stronger relationships, and build mental toughness that we all need in today’s ever increasing busy world.
Latest posts by Bonnie Canal (see all)
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- WE CARE! Team: Building a Better Tomorrow by Taking Actions Today. - February 13, 2019
- Sunday Morning Affairs - February 13, 2019